Which battles are worth fighting with your mate and which ones should be brushed under the rug… and that doesn’t mean saved for another day…to rehash into bigger problems. I am positive that the bible says in Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” That seems like an awfully long time to keep count, I generally stop taking count of things when I am over the 10 fingers on my hands…
My question begs… when do we stop blaming who for who committed what to whom? How much, how long and to what severity is forgiveness given in a marriage? A disagreement where words becomes insults… can that be forgiven? Missing an anniversary over and over…can that be forgiven? Leaving the toilet seat up… when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in the toilet (now I’m rambling on here, but you get the point)… can that be forgiven.
If there was always forgiveness in marriage how do people end up getting divorced? What’s your “deal breaker” for forgiveness?
Wendy's Words 
Battles can always be avoided before they get out of hand and feelings get hurt. Initiating conversation is the first step to solving any type of disagreement that can turn into a full-fledged battle. The hardest part however is making the first move to defuse any type of disagreement. Having a civilized conversation about the issue can open our eyes to what upsets the other. Communicating can also clear up any double sided comments that were lost in translation/understanding that could lead to being a battle. Other times we have to intentionally lose a battle (that goes for both parties) as they say to keep the peace. At the end of the day is fighting a battle worth it?
Forgiveness is a process that one willingly participates in for wholeness. Yes, that’s right wholeness or should I say holiness? Hmmm, anyway, forgiveness is about you not the other person. When you forgive the other person you are redeemed, relieved, renewed, and restored! You are able to have a perspective that allows you to see yourself in the other person because you have been forgiven more times than you can count. By whom you say…Christ Jesus! Ask for the mind and heart of Christ and see that you are a reflection of His forgiveness even if you don’t recognize or acknowledge Him as your Savior (from yourself). The power to forgive lies within you when you look outside of yourself and see yourself as the other person. Now forgiveness is a process that is not easily achieved but if you truly want to see change in the other person be the change you want to see. If this seems sappy, it’s real…living and growing through it because unforgiveness is a heavy burden and I’m not trying to carry that!
Personally I believe forgiveness starts and grows with maturity. You can’t expect change or perfection without first grow to understand you self, the people in you life , and the world around you. Everything in you life plays a part from the color of you skin to the knowledge you have attained through the corse of life. Now if we are looking at this picture in a biblical sense then I’d say to forgive them and yourself if not for them, then do it for you. I believe nobody is worth loosing a blessing.
I’m not married ,but I am in a relationship and I’ve learned over the course of time that forgiveness is understanding. Its something that gives you inner peace once you learn to let go of things that stress you out, cause you pain, or harm in any form then let go of the situation. There are many ways of letting go, it’s not just in a physical sense. You can let go of the situation for yourself because you know your worth. I’m learning that controlling you feelings is key to leaving a healthier and less stressful life. When my boyfriend does something that bothers me (that we’ve talked about) I walk away from the situation or stop talking all together. Now BEFORE??? ALL HE’LL WOULD BREAK LOOSE. This was with everyone! Nobody was left out. Lol
Good questions! I think that there are different kinds of transgressions in a marriage, and each one is different. There are the accidental transgressions that happen without malice, and those are the easiest to forgive–as long as they aren’t too frequent! Then, there are the transgressions of carelessness–forgetfulness in daily life, being sloppy in small ways–and while it’s not motivated by cruelty, it can chip away at a relationship because it seems to reflect an underlying lack of respect for the other. To forgive this kind of carelessness, it takes both people communicating to work through it. Maybe the offending partner isn’t acting out of disrespect–maybe he’s distracted or scatterbrained, and we must forgive him (or her) for being imperfect. Finally, there are some transgressions that can end a marriage–any kind of intentional harm to another person, whether physical or emotional, cannot be allowed to continue! Even if we forgive the person, we should not be condemned to a life of abuse.
Forgiveness, transgressions, sorry, just listen to me, you just do not understand, ugghhh, whatever, never mind, etc…..sound like something you have heard before? I believe anyone in a relationship of any sort has heard at least one of those…..I, on the other hand, have heard it all. What I have learned to do is play Mr. Rogers. What? Yes, Mr. Rogers from that creepy TV show most of us have seen growing up. Now let me clear something up, I am nothing like him in my life, however I do something that reminds me of him. I take of my shoes when I walk into that room to communicate, talk, argue, or whatever we want to label the situation. Stepping out of your shoes and seeing the world is someones esle, is hard enough. Now imagine doing that when you mad at them? When you just can stand to hear thier voice or be in the same room with them. Like it or not, it helps you get to the point of this whole blog, forgiveness. Like the bible says, forgive 77 times, and yes that is a lot to count, so do not count it. Because if I was counting I would have used all the fingers and toes in my family tree. Sweeping it under the rug only creates a bump in that rug when you go to walk across it again, you will for surely trip up and fall flat on your face. Ouch…. There has to be a solution, everything has a solution. Are you willing to go that extra mile to find it? And yes forgivness is a must in order for you to love yourself and move on, but continued abuse, in any form, quickly can become the deal breaker we all fear. I have reached that deal breaker point in my life before, but I will tell you that it takes longer to reach that point the more I have matured in life and love. All the little things build up over time. Before you know it those little things have snow balled to a big thing that creates the deal breaker life. Fix the little things, the battles, before your find yourself in a war.
We all know the first meaning of “marraige” but do we know the second? It is, “a combanation or mixtures of two elements”. Oil and Water do not mix. It may take a lot of mixing to try and get them to mix but in the end they just do not mix. However, water and sugar do mix. AKA, ghetto kool aid. So maybe, just maybe, one can be more like sugar and less like oil. Like mother nature has showed us time and time again, you can attract that Honey Bee with Sugar, not Salt. So when that fights comes up, try being the sugar of forgiveness. Let your ears do the talking and change your shoes at the door so you can see and feel how that flower you married really feels.