Wendy's Words

Through tears, I read the text I couldn’t imagine what was behind those simple words, Love Her Better… tears of worry, anger, self-pity, disbelief and incapability crossed my mind. How could he love me better? Why was it necessary to love me better. Looking back in history many of the most famous women have struggled with romantic relationships. Marilyn Monroe married 3 times, Princess Diana relationship was plagued by infidelity and emotional distance. Madonna was married twice. Jennifer Lopez had multiple engagements and married twice. Halle Berry married 3 times. Lastly Zsa Zsa Gabor married 9 times, a little competition for Elizabeth Taylor married 8 times. Who was I to think I could figure this happily ever after conundrum out. The mystery behind to Love Her Better!

Does Love Her Better mean showing more appreciation? How do you deepen the emotional connection with your husband or wife? How can cherishing your moments help you hold on to your commitment? What is the definition of better and where is the starting point of better?

People don’t really change they just start to reflect who they really are.  Why would I start out with such a negative statement? In life how often do we have to hide who we are so we are not discovered. The problem is how long can we as individuals really continue to look at ourselves in the mirror without seeing who we really are. Are we kind, are we loving, are we forgiving, are we angry, are we disappointed? How many times do we say things with a smile after being told the most horrible thoughts from our loved ones and even worse not from our loved ones. How do we lift up the shade and reveal our deepest concerns? Does it start to happen when we have heartbreak? Do we expose ourselves to save our own dignity. What does a person have to face in order to be simply “real”. And is being simply ‘real’ not as easy to be as we would imagine it would be. Who do you have that you can tell your darkest secrets to and know that you won’t be judged? For me, Jesus is my secret holder. He is the one who knows all my thoughts and has gladly signed His name over each of my thoughts that aren’t so great, my actions that can’t be easily forgiven or my desires that will never be discussed out loud. Who is my fleshy confidant? Right now in my life that would be my husband on most days. He holds many of my secrets, my mean thoughts, my embarrassing moments and my desires to really self-reflect and be realistic on what I can and can’t do or rather, what I should or shouldn’t do. Again… I say, after seeing a few close individuals from a simply “real” prespective people don’t really change, they just start to reflect to “others’ who they really are.

A recent call from a friend started in panic… “What was she going to do?” “How would she be able to face herself?” “Who could she turn to in this moment where she needed to feel like what she had done was okay?” were the main questions she rambled on through tears. I did my best to answer but after the call, I sat quietly in the room  wondering did I tell her answers that I myself would accept if I had been in her predicament. I feel self examination makes for a great topic for each of us. Whom do we give the authority to hold us accountable for our own actions besides God?  What would others see me as and does that matter?

Am I a strong survivor; someone who has experienced multiple heartaches and continues to believe in love… or am I a naive dreamer;  someone who dreams life best in everyone and turns a blind eye to reality? When I look at my life and ask myself “is this my life” I often have to pause and self exam what I have done to become me…

Who are you when you self exam? Are you all you wish you could be? Who in your life makes you accountable for the person you see when you look in the mirror?

Which battles are worth fighting with your mate and which ones should be brushed under the rug… and that doesn’t mean saved for another day…to rehash into bigger problems. I am positive that the bible says in Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”   That seems like an awfully long time to keep count, I generally stop taking count of things when I am over the 10 fingers on my hands…

My question begs… when do we stop blaming who for who committed what to whom? How much,  how long and to what severity is forgiveness given in a marriage? A disagreement where words becomes insults… can that be forgiven? Missing an anniversary over and over…can that be forgiven? Leaving the toilet seat up… when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in the toilet (now I’m rambling on here, but you get the point)… can that be forgiven.

If there was always forgiveness in marriage how do people end up getting divorced? What’s your “deal breaker” for forgiveness?

What is said? Who makes the choices? Who says what? Who says when? In marriage those very questions can cause friction in the simplest instances. Two years ago tomorrow I am married to my best friend… (period) after 7 years of dating we finally said why not! My mom always told me that marriage is about being in love and filling fulfilled while she cried herself to sleep most nights. My dad use to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since “you’re beautiful you will find a man who will be in love with your beauty”. So for years I searched for the man who was “in love” with me. Well that never happened… I married my best friend, someone who accepts me when I look my worse, someone who I don’t always fill fulfilled with thier every word or action, a man who knows to say no when I need to hear no, a person who has pushed our trust through the boundaries that I have had to forgive… more than once… and a man who I know will be at the end of the day not a dream, but my best friend. This series on what difference, will ask the hard questions of what is said behind closed doors. Who makes the choices in what direction the relationship goes? Who says what to whom when no one is listening? Who says when to face the truth? What difference in age, generation, value, honor, education, race, love, truth, pride does a marriage need or require to last…

Everyone knows how each of us feels when we have someone to rely on. A person you trust could be your family, a friend, a soul mate and we can never forget almighty God. At the end of a long day we would all have a moment to thank that someone for being there for that occasional smile, that “what the funk” moment, that let me cry on your shoulder hissy fit and lets not forget the one that always gets me … is “can you believe that” moment.

Here’s a toast to all my friends, family, and those yet to be blog writing ideals with Words of What if!