What is said? Who makes the choices? Who says what? Who says when? In marriage those very questions can cause friction in the simplest instances. Two years ago tomorrow I am married to my best friend… (period) after 7 years of dating we finally said why not! My mom always told me that marriage is about being in love and filling fulfilled while she cried herself to sleep most nights. My dad use to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since “you’re beautiful you will find a man who will be in love with your beauty”. So for years I searched for the man who was “in love” with me. Well that never happened… I married my best friend, someone who accepts me when I look my worse, someone who I don’t always fill fulfilled with thier every word or action, a man who knows to say no when I need to hear no, a person who has pushed our trust through the boundaries that I have had to forgive… more than once… and a man who I know will be at the end of the day not a dream, but my best friend. This series on what difference, will ask the hard questions of what is said behind closed doors. Who makes the choices in what direction the relationship goes? Who says what to whom when no one is listening? Who says when to face the truth? What difference in age, generation, value, honor, education, race, love, truth, pride does a marriage need or require to last…
Wendy's Words 
As I read your post. The first question that came to my mind is which one is stronger…love or a friendship? People can fallout of love, but a friendship can endure more in my opinion.
It would be wonderful to have someone you love AND is a friend. I think it would be difficult to love someone who is not a friend.
You are my friend and I am happy that you are in love. Marriage is hard work and not meant for everyone. I think sometimes it starts out as a friendship, then you realize you are in love with that person and can’t go on without them everyday.
Beautifully worded post. I think the foundation of friendship is cruticial to a lasting marriage or relationship. I’m glad that you found someone who you already had a bond with and naturally progressed with.
marry your best friend or wait to fall in love and marry then?
I think friendship is a great foundation for marriage or relationships. At least for me and my relationships, if you think that “initial love” feeling stays forever then you are inevitably going to end up splitting or being unfaithful bc that’s not realistic. If you have a friendship that develops into love then thats the strongest in my opinion. Unless you are saying that it never really developed into love, and that you married outta comfort or convenience, then in that case I dont think it’s that great of an idea.
I am here, finally. So the question is to marry the one you love or to marry your best friend. Well, let me take a drag out of my coffee and take everyone on a quick stroll of my mind and heart. Most of us have more then one”friend” and not all of them are best ones. What actually is a friend..a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations, that is a friend. With that being said, I ask what is a lover..a person having a sexual or romantic relationship with someone, often outside marriage. The key to that last understanding is “outside marriage” In my mind I think of a wife being not just my best friend, but also my favorite friend. I learned years ago that there is a major difference with best and favorite and I know I have some of both when it comes to friends and the label I give them. Friends, true ones, are very hard to come by so when you get one or two hold on to them. With the power of social media, it is so hard to find and keep true friends. Some add you just to lurk about your page to find out your business, others do it to keep up. I guess I am more old fashion and only use my phone, no social media for me. I have my scares from that and do not need any more. Back to marriage…Friend or lover. As a best friend, you are going to love them in a way that is non romantic, in most cases. Sometimes as time goes by, those feelings may change and romantic feelings blossom. Then you realize that you are going to marry your best friend, your favorite friend, and you lover all on the same day. That is how the utopia would have it to end. Carful now because we are starting to walk in my heart. I have married what was known to me as my best friend, at least from my point of view. She was to be there for me and me for her, you know like friends do one another. That never happened, the road was a one way where I did all the giving and she did all the taking. So marriage with my friend did not work for me….or did it? In August I will be married for 3 years, that is not counting to two years prior to marriage. Did I marry a friend, yes I did marry a friend. Did I marry a best friend, no I did not. That was three years ago, not today. Over time the friendship has grown and been tested, really, really tested hard. Tears, heart break, dis trust, professional counsel, and just hard core prayers from my family is what has happened over the past three years of marriage. They have help me understand that marrying a best friend is what may work but there is a chance that marrying just a friend that you have fallen in love with works too. I have very little friends and more associates then anything. So marrying a friend won’t work for me, my best friend is the only sister I have and back where I am from we do not do that…LOL. My wife is my friend, a very good one. We may disagree but at the end of the day, we have to understand that a marriage relationship is stronger then a friend relationship. Know your role and play your part, that is the simplest way to put it and I have learned this over time. One last thought and then I am going to leave the rest to the next one. You can marry and be friends with anyone you want in life today. However, if you want your marriage to work, that person better be your friend before they are your lover….
mic drop…..
Let me start off by saying that personally for me i believe every relation ship is a team effort! Now personally for me I think to have a lover is to have a best friend. Understand that the person you allow to see the beautiful side of you will still love looking at you when your “not” as beautiful all the time. By this I’m talking about more then just looks. Like any other email relationship of course there will be times when you guys bump heads, but here is where really understanding each other comes into play. This goes for friendships as well. For me, being in a relationship with someone is exposing myself mentally and truly getting naked with someone, of course this after sometime. Well, to have a bestfirend its the same thing. You can tell and talk to them about everything as well as do crazy things with that will make you both laugh years later. I know theres a huge difference between a lover and a friend because there are things you can do with a lover you cant with a best friend if you want to remain best friends. Lol Eventually things get complicated! Point is you can talk to that person, be it a friend or lover and share life’s experience. That’s what really matter! I mean… sex and all that is great but it grows dull if you can’t talk to them.
If you lucky enough to find that person who can fill both slots don’t hesitate to try! For me I was in a relationship with my best friend for almost 9 years who grew to know everything about me, from what I would do to the things I would say. Although you can never truly know a person , that within it self takes time. We did everything together and most of all we worked as a team on EVERYTHING! I learned what it meant to be completely selfless and “naked”.